Fear and Florida
Vacay!
These are pictures from our recent vacation in Florida.
This is the sunrise on our last morning in Florida. This is what I woke up to for three mornings straight. What a way to wake up!
This picture is just after we arrived in Florida. We stopped at one of those absolutely tourist-y stands. It was great (and I was terrified. Can you see it in my eyes? I can see it.)
The Fear.
So, why was I scared? Confession time: Not a lot of people know this about me but I am pretty darn terrified of driving. The older I get, the worse it gets. I am not scared in my own hometown or the neighboring towns in which I spend a great deal of time. Instead I am scared of heavy traffic or unfamiliar areas, but especially heavy traffic in unfamiliar areas. For years I have let it stop me from visiting family out of state. Family that I love, adore and miss terribly.
The question I am sure you must all be asking: "If I am so scared, why did I go?" Better yet, why did I offer to go? (Yep, that's right, I offered!) Well, first of all, I love travel! I love new places, things, people and experiences. (The internal struggle is real!) Second, I didn't have to pay for the gas! Third, my mom and aunts, all experienced city drivers, were going to do the driving (and in the moment, I didn't really consider what I would do while they were actually on the cruise). Fourth, and most importantly, I spoke before I had a chance to think and get scared...that came later, as we got closer to time to go and our van started smoking! I lost it. I developed an absolutely irrational fear that we'd break down and I wouldn't be able to come home. But I had awesome friends who prayed me through, and another amazing friend who fixed my van!
How did I handle it?
This was probably up there as one of the most anxious and scary things I've done in my life (right along with giving birth-if that gives you any clue to my anxiety level).
I wish I could say that I prayed and God moved and gave me that peace that passes understanding. He usually does that for me. This time I prayed and that didn't happen.
Instead God showed me a thing. He showed me that He created me to be capable. He showed me that my ability and strength rest in Him, and in Him alone.
He didn't give me peace, this time, but He gave me joy. My kids could see the joy on my face when we made it safely to our first destination, and how much bigger it got when we made it to our second, and then to our third where no one was waiting to meet us, we were completely on our own. That last one was a huge issue for me. At least at our first destination we were meeting up with family. Our second destination was to our hotel where we were expected and our family was checking up on us. But the third trip we made we were completely solo, I was the only responsible adult! Guys, I was scared! I prayed the whole time. My kids will tell you. My fear was at times so extreme that B would pray and ask God to help Mom not be scared. But then came that joy. Joy that consumed me. Joy that overcame the fear. Joy that made me sing and laugh and just let loose and enjoy myself. Joy that comes from Him alone.
Why am I sharing this?
Well, to begin, I want to give praise where it's due. Also, I want to encourage those of you who might be allowing fear to stop you from doing something.
Fear is real. It's a tool to stop you. It is a fiery dart from the enemy and all too often in this day and age the archers are hitting their targets and we're going down like flies; surrendering to the fear. I know I've been guilty of exactly that. I forget to pray. I rely on what is familiar and steer clear of big new things, especially anything having an unknown variable. I've realized that mostly it's the unknown that scares me and I've got to give that to God.
But, Friends, if I can just encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. I can't tell you how much God has moved in the last three years as I've begin to spread my wings and walk out in what He is telling me to do. He has been so patient (and given my husband the patience of Job to endure all of my timidity!) I am not saying I didn't make mistakes.
Oh boy, did I make mistakes. We stopped at a "visitor's center" for B to use the bathroom and ended up finding ourselves in the middle of a time-share selling operation...where the lady was heavily using my kiddos to make me feel guilty for not buying! Poor thing, she was barking up the wrong tree.
Another time, I stopped all traffic on the A1A because a toll booth ate my money and I didn't have any more!
And then, I couldn't figure out a parking garage and drove the wrong way down a one way ramp (does anyone else get seriously confused in parking garages?).
But, you know what? That lady didn't make a sale on us, and my kids are pretty reasonable and understood what was really going on (then we spent an awesome day at the beach playing in the ocean!), the lady behind me in the toll lane finished paying my "unpaid" tolls (and I learned never to use the automated lanes again!), and there was no one else using that ramp in the parking garage so no one got hurt and we all had a good laugh at my mistake.
My message in a coffee mug!
The best part of our vacation for me came during our day trip to Cocoa Beach. We had to stop at our favorite Ron Jon shop and as I was looking at all the fun stuff and searching for a t-shirt for the hubby I came across this mug.
Friends, it was like God had created a mug to sum up my entire trip! I plan to use this as my saying for the next year and hoping for His great things in the days and months to come! I hope you will too!
Stay curious!